Unknown Speaker  00:02
blog for your lives as newly discovered Planet X is on a collision course with Earth Obama spiked with truth drug says smoking if you got them were fucked Israeli election crisis

Unknown Speaker  00:14
which right wing religious nuts are well formed the government. Hello, people welcome to the fucking news,

Unknown Speaker  00:21
I'm anti clockwise.

Unknown Speaker  00:23
Here are the headlines to tonight's blog for your lives fill up the chat rooms and forums of our for the end is nice email links to YouTube videos and drop all the rest of your pressing affairs because the mystery man is coming over and he says you're out of sight in one of the most momentous and simultaneously disastrous discoveries of all time, a new planet has been fun, and it's on a collision course with Earth. Joining me in the studio is the very man who discovered the planet which has been named after him. Mr. X. Hello, Mr. Mr. X. Welcome to the fucking news. Tell us how and where did you find Planet X? Why hasn't it been seen before? And when will it get here? Well, I found it on the internet. And it's been orbiting our solar system since about the year 2000. It returns every three years or so causing devastating internet activity all over Earth. I found it using the tried and tested scientific method of belief. Once I believed it was there, working out where it was going with simple mathematics mathematics, you know, make semantics is a branch of science where you make stuff up. It's very accurate. It's been used to predict and it's been practiced for 1000s of years. I see and when and where will Planet X collide with Earth. Actually, it won't collide with earth but it will pass very close in 2012 when its gravitational pull will cause widespread devastation, earthquakes, tsunamis, super volcanoes and nosebleeds all over Earth. Life as we know it will cease to be civilization will crumble and a new era of humanity will dawn thanks partly to the inhabitants of planet X, our returning alien forebears. That's incredible Mr. X. You say there are beings living on Planet X and they are our ancestors. What proof do you have of these incredible claims? Well, someone I know told me they read it in a book by someone who had translated a story that was written on a brick about someone who lived a long time ago who thought that this might be something that could happen. Compelling Evidence indeed. Tell us Mr. X, why haven't astronomers on Earth notice this planet before? And why can't we see it now? Well, to begin with, there is a global conspiracy of silence by NASA. As you well know NASA control the minds and telescopes of every astronomer or curious prospective astronomer on Earth, and they don't want people to panic or be well prepared for the End Times. Hallelujah. Amen mumbo jumbo voodoo. And you can only see Planet X from the South Pole on a Tuesday. If you're standing on one leg one, that at the same time, as it can only be seen from the South Pole. Planet X is also hiding behind the sun, using massive thrusters to stay hidden behind the sun relative to the Earth's orbit. Amazing, truly amazing. What should people do about this? Is there anything we can do with only three years to 2012? Well, to begin with, we must all watch as many videos about how really real it is, then we must spend what little time we have left on earth convincing others that it is real so that when it arrives we all know it's real. Wouldn't it be better to construct underground bunkers and stock up on food? No, no, no. What about buying a telescope and checking it out for ourselves? Now you see NASA won't let you or anyone else see it? Unless it's too late until it's too late. I see. One last question, Mr. Mr. X. If it doesn't happen, and we don't see it, like all the other times the arrival has been predicted. What will you do then? Well, it may be that might make a magical calculations need adjusted. which case I'll just make up another date for it to arrive. Thank you, Mr. Mr. X. More on that story later. In America. Barack Obama has given the most surprising and candid speech of his presidency after a prank by White House staff went horribly wrong. It seems President Obama was accidentally given a massive dose of truth drug in his morning coffee. The anonymous perpetrators claimed they only meant him to tell a little bit of the truth, but they misread the INS ructions. Here's what Obama didn't say after he woke up and drank the coffee, ladies and gentlemen of the press, people of America, I was supposed to come here and tell you the good news about my stimulus package being passed, and how that's going to help you all and get America back on track. But you know what? It's not gonna fucking happen. I am a powerless flunky of the invisible corporate totalitarianism that paid for my election. You are the Patsy's of a small group of wealthy families that own all the important resources on Earth. The economy that has been presented to you as the most important issue of your lives, is a crumbling facade, behind which the truth will soon be revealed. Poverty, Inequality, violence and injustice, the concentration of wealth and power in the hands of a few. The manipulation of the levers of power by those same hands, the fraud of the theater of freedom played out on a media completely given over to supporting those same few wealthy families, people of America the game is over. The pretense will soon be abandoned, the play will end and the last act will be bloody the earth cannot sustain the greed and stupidity of our mass consumerism any longer. The ruling elite cannot keep the wheels on the wagon and the tidal wave of debt, which is fake anyway, could not be borne by this or any other generation. Not because we couldn't print the money, but because no one wants it. People smoke them if you got them folks, I'm going home to fuck Michelle boy she looks hot and voc goodbye. In Israel, the country faces stalemate and political deadlock after their general election, with neither tippy Livni nor Benjamin Netanyahu willing to step aside and both party leaders seeking coalition partners to form a government. A leading newspaper in Israel did not say the country faces a terrible crisis torn between two right wing God believing nationalistic mumbo jumbo goo Muslim killing violence justifying Tara mongering fascist lying professional politicians. It's a tough choice. Israel's president is expected to begin consultations next week about which parties to ask the former government. Mr. Netanyahu, a former prime minister has argued that he's best placed to form a government because he killed a lot of Arabs in the past. However, the final results released by the Israeli election committee dashed his hopes that the late counting of votes from soldiers could swing the ballot his way. Mr. Netanyahu said that with God's help, he would lead the next government. Though he didn't say which God it is assumed he meant the one who ordered the slaughter of every man, woman and child in the Promised Land and asked some guy to sacrifice his son to prove how much of a Nazi he was. Thanks and Mel, the weather, cataclysmic planetary disaster predictions distracting you from bankers sucking you in the ass with very little chance of ever hearing the truth from a politician by the end of any week. And in the Middle East. No change at all, no matter which fascist runs Israel.

Unknown Speaker  08:49
Have a nice weekend.


Transcribed by https://otter.ai