Unknown Speaker  00:00
for humans to breed themselves to death by 2050, but it's okay, we're fucked anyway. Rising sea levels to destroy our faster than ever before, but it's okay. We're fucked. Codex Alimentarius will poison 3 billion humans to death, but it's okay.

Unknown Speaker  00:17
We're fucked weaponized bird flu to be released by banking elite, but it's okay cause we're fucked anyway. Hello landless peasant farms. Welcome to the fucking huge

Unknown Speaker  00:27
I roasted chestnuts and open fire. Here are the headlines tonight. If humans continue to reproduce at the current rate flooded Earth will have between 8 billion and 10 billion people on it by 2050. According to recent UN forecasts, versus a 50% increase since 1970. Am I alone in thinking that too many humans Gee, looking around the Earth at the moment, I'm thinking humans thought we don't need any more of them. Could we swap them for some trees or whales? Maybe we are experiencing an accelerated obliteration of the planets Bipolars an estimated 1760 species die off per year, because simply put, there are too many people. Most extinctions are the direct result of expanding needs for energy, housing, food and other resources. We're plunging into an Age of Extinction and desolation, unseen since the end of the Mesozoic Era 65 million years ago when the dinosaurs disappeared. But hold on salvation isn't harmed from a variety of unlikely sources. What if we could reduce the population by I don't know, killing humans? Let's look at the ways to kill humans and how they stack up against the problem. It's the fucking news top 10 ways to kill humans all right, lone gunman rampage just in number 10 dramatic stuff but unless 6.8 million lone gunman killed the whole family and some neighbors it's never going to be enough to put a big dent in the population try again Homo sapiens suicide bombers add bombers slipping down the chart to number nine but still popular it's a step up from the captain you're asked but it's messy and it's a crowd for maximum effect. See minus must try harder minor natural disasters going down after failing to make the top three number eight earthquakes tsunamis volcanoes spectacular but limited and you have to wait for them that will never do that number seven conventional war dried and tested it's a lot of work but millions can be and have been shot bombed and burned to death. Oh yeah. Also good for the economy cool. At number six climate change hot tip for the top no serious casualties yet but rising temperatures could kill billions of pesky humans. Or there's another ice age just around the corner. Depending on which match scientist you speak to. Number five, Codex Alimentarius a steady climb up that may have its limits corporate control of your food and medicine could poison billions of us to death before it's too late. But have they got the bottle Bring it on? Straight in at number four nuclear war awesome dramatic effective and 1000s of weapons in the hands of Chris criminal psychopaths you know it's gonna happen someday move to New Zealand or die in radioactive wasteland top three now and at number three famine rooted in this traditional spot this great June is reworked for every generation and culture never disappoints. millions die many more live short lives and endless toilet suffering nice, effective, reliable and free. At number two play could be our salvation with mad scientists working for the evil bankers known to be working on a remix of human avian flu. billions of humans are at risk for viral infection and death. Fantastic. What are we waiting for? Number one, the biggest baddest, fastest killer of all life on Earth is rocks rumps bass has been number one for millions of years. Quite simply the best killer of life ever. You might have to wait a while between hits. But when it comes the Earth moves the skies darken the seas boil and organic light gets its deck shuffled. Funkadelic but will it happen soon enough? There you have it fucking uses top 10 ways to kill humans. killing humans is a serious business and should not be attempted without medical supervision. Whether some or all of these happens soon that we're whenever or when somebody tells you details of our current terrible circumstances. We can all reply with confidence. It's okay We're fucked. Yes, humans are totally screwed. But don't worry. The average lifespan of the species is about 4 million years and we've had most of virus already we're going down folks man the life raft sank the alarm. No, wait a minute. I have a better idea. Put some music on let's have a little dance shall we?

Unknown Speaker  05:27
Yes, those of us living in the decadent bubble of the Western world Oh in the billions about to die to have some fun. I wouldn't want aliens to uncover our historical documents in years to come only to find we died a bunch of miserable sad asked in grades who failed to appreciate the wonder of life for what it was temporary, amazing, full of wonder lots of fun with a twist of better get on with it while you can. Ladies and gentlemen Germans were great. They did some cool things, but then they start to destroy much of what was beautiful simply to make money, just profit and greed. No golden spaceships to explore the universe No vast undertaking for the common good. They have edgy the oceans rips down the forests and burn the air but it's okay. We're fucked. Other news now let's take a look at the markets fucking use has produced its own market index analysis to track trends and forecast the value of donuts in the forthcoming societal collapse. Here is the donut index. As you can see donuts are currently trading at 10 for apartment in the UK, and have been for nearly a decade stability in the market there. There was a short period of donut scarcity in 2007, but even then the price stayed below $3 for 10. Some experts predicting donuts could soon climb as high as $1 Each as a result of donuts. When demand outstrips supply. This will be followed by the end of civilization as we know it as donut production slumps and our donut based civilization crumbles and fails. Stay tuned to the fucking news Market Watch donut index, and we'll keep you fully informed with up to the minute prices and availability. Thanks, Mel the weather the planet spot it's your boat and it's getting worse. Have a nice weekend.


Transcribed by https://otter.ai