I'm full of piss and vinegar. Welcome to the fucking news. Here are the headlines tonight. arms manufacturers all over the world are celebrating tonight as human beings continue to be stupid, evil murdering fuckers unable to settle their differences peacefully and continuously killing each other in many conflicts around the globe. Without which arms manufacturers all over Planet Earth would have no business at all and would not currently be making more money than drug barons from you. In particular, helicopter manufacturers in America are overjoyed at the news that six helicopters in the last three weeks have been shut down in Iraq. A spokesperson for helicopter manufacturers in America didn't say well, this is good news for the economy and will safeguard many jobs here in the United States of America. It's a profound source of pleasure for me that human beings continue to be stupid, evil murdering fuckers, I would like to commend and congratulate my colleagues in the Far East for making the rocket propelled grenades which have so effectively destroyed many products that we built. Without this continuous destruction and murdering nature of human beings. We would be bankrupt very quickly. Thank you human beings. Thank you indeed you evil murdering fuckers. Furthermore, I would like to take this opportunity to reach out to the undeveloped terrorists market. Terrorists all over the world. Stop improvising explosive devices. We have many products custom made for killing people, which are great value for money and very effective. Phone us visit our website. Our sales staff are waiting to take your call. Yes, indeed. Long may humans continue to be stupid murdering evil Fox. What are people who make bombs do when they get home at night? What are they like? What kind of person goes to the office and thinks of ways of killing people all day? Hi, hi, I'm home. Oh, hello, honey. Have a nice day of work. Why sure did me and the boys dreamed up this thing that doesn't kill you. It just means you and blows your limbs off, leaving you incapacitated and requiring your colleagues to look after you and give you medical care. Why honey, that's great. Do you hear that? Timmy? Your dad's an evil murdering fucker? What they have? Can

you take me to the office someday and show me the murdering naming devices that you designed to make you sale?

Why? Yes, I can tell me one day you could be just like me. Stupid, evil murdering fuck. Yes, celebrations all over the world that human beings inability to stop killing each other. Why? You can just imagine what would happen if peace broke out on Planet Earth? You think the salesman who worked for arms manufacturers may have started a few wars. It's just that possibility. But if you're sitting in the office and the phone isn't ringing, what do you think you might suggest? You know, perhaps if we were to destabilize a peaceful regime in the Middle East? Hey, do you think if we create tension between two countries who are at present peacefully coexisting, we might sell more weapons. It's just a thought. I'm sure it doesn't happen. Oh no, I bet that never happens. In the UK, bird flu has killed no one and continues to kill no one bird flu hasn't killed anyone in the UK. A couple of Turkeys died on a barn had Matthews Turkey bombs so we're slaughtering all of them, which is no big deal for the turkeys. Because guess what? They were all destined for the chuck anyway. Representatives of Turkey business and ministers in government have assured the population of Britain there is no danger from bird flu. But we must buy vast amounts of expensive antidote from the company who invented bird flu. I mean, who makes the antidote. There is no danger from eating chicken. But we must buy huge amounts of expensive antidote. There is no danger throw to the members of the public from bird flu which hasn't killed anyone. But we must buy vast amounts of expensive anti dog from the people who invented virtually I mean, we make the antidote. Hey, I like how they call it the h five n one virus because you know, once we bought the antidote for the h5 and one virus the h5 and fucking two virus we'll be right along. Faster. We're safe from bird flu rom fuckers that's on the age five and one. Now we've invented h five and two so you're gonna have to buy a whole new stock of expensive antidote from the people who invented bird flu. I mean, made the antidote. Bird flu killed no one unlike cigarettes and alcohol, which collectively killed 180,000 people in the UK last year. Ministers were not available to comment on how safe smoking and drinking was. But bird flu hasn't killed anyone. Okay, thanks. So now the weather the planets booked, it's your fault and it's getting worse. And as a footnote, I'd like to add that no plans exist to build a giant spaceship from which we can escape this doomed planet instead of which our entire economy is given over to making money for the few people who got it already have a nice weekend


Transcribed by https://otter.ai