Unknown Speaker  00:00
All right to celebrate five years of robbery, murder and lies, Tibetan celebrates 60 years of genocide and tyranny. The UK celebrates security threats at the fake economy by low bacterial hosts. Welcome to the fucking news. I lovely visits. Here are tonight's headlines. Iraqis celebrate the fifth anniversary of their liberation and disarming of their weapons of mass destruction. So says a statement from the imaginary Iraqi Ministry of make believe we join our new speak correspondent Brian Blier. For the state Robinson live in the green zone in Baghdad for a special report on the celebrations and President Bush's victory speech. But evidently, five years on from the glorious liberation of oil wealth, I mean, Iraq, and everything's great here in the green zone. The statement from the habit puppet government, can I have my check? No, anything for $1 goes on not to say, I have a copy here goes on. Not to say, we are so happy the Americans chose to invade our country, steal our oil and kill so many of us. We are so lucky the rest of the world stood by and did nothing seem to believe that incredible story about us having weapons of mass destruction. Even after 10 years of the greatest military power on our bombing us it will destroying every target of any military value whatsoever. It's easy to see how you could believe that. Well, maybe not. Still. Thank you anyway, you have made so many of our lives so much shorter, well, many Iraqis are corrupt, happy as well. We asked one of them if they wanted some money to say something nice about the war. And they did. Let's have that report now.

Unknown Speaker  02:04
Bringing Saddam to power in the first place with the CIA backed coup, and forgiving him all the guns and bombs to wage war on Iran, who you hated so much for the posing the shower in 1976. Thank you for standing by sit down when he gets the Kurds and committed genocide on the mass people of the South. Thank you. And thank you for continuing to do business with him, why he tortured and killed us and for bombing us back to the Stone Age for 10 years in between the walls. Thank you. And thank you for your invasion that took power away from the western style military dictatorship and gave it to a bunch of fundamentalist religious leaders. Thank you very much. forcing us to live under Sharia law and the utility of zany voodoo beliefs. Thank you very much. Yes, so please, go now. Can I have my money?

Unknown Speaker  03:06
Thank you, Brian. For that special report. President Bush emphasized the successes of the war and its wider impact on the war on error in his victory speech, not saying Uber thrill of flying sedan the same was rad decision if occasion, the world's more dangerous and expensive place, because I have acted. What I dismissed, underestimate fits under estimates of the wars price tag. The costs are huge and unnecessary. When we consider the amount of money me and my cronies are making. Also, me and the other real terrorists murdered the innocent in the streets of Baghdad. We want to murder you in the streets of America and defeating the enemy here in Iraq. We'll make it much more likely we'll be able to do that to you there in America. God fuck America. Yeah. All right. Nobel Prize winning economist Joseph Stiglitz calculates the war has cost $3 trillion so far. And as the fifth year of the war draws to a close running expenses for 2008 are projected to exceed $16 billion a month for Iraq and Afghanistan. We could have thought winning was so expensive. I bet you're glad you're not losing by that would be even more expensive. Government officials frequently talk about the lives of our soldiers as priceless but these priceless lives show up on the Pentagon ledger as $500,000 the amount of paid out to survivors and death benefits. By contrast, the 650,000 Dead Iraqis haven't Kosta been. praise our Lord and fuck yours. Tibetans are celebrating 60 years old communist ruled by the biggest dictatorship On Earth, monks in Lhasa, marking the anniversary of Chinese rule have held a week of riots and clashes with security forces to commemorate the events. Protests. I mean celebrations by ethnic Tibetans have been reported in at least 25 places in Tibet and neighboring provinces of western China. China has admitted for the first time that pro Beijing celebrations have spread outside the Tibetan autonomous region. As happiness is ratcheted up. A Chinese news agency reported 24 People have partied themselves to death. After a festivities in the Tibetan city of Lhasa, and 170 rebels have surrendered volunteers to help tidy up some prison cells. Hundreds of troops have been seen pouring into the Tibetan party area, and the authorities have placed strict limits on Western journalists trying to report on the fun. Chinese and Tibetan news sources have given very different accounts of the celebrations and the reasons for them. The Chinese news agency did not say these monks and other party goers are so enthusiastic about Chinese war, they cannot contain themselves or their happiness. We have always ruled Tibet even before 1950 When the people invited us to invade their country, destroying 10,000 years of their culture, slaughtering hundreds of 1000s. No one must boycott the Olympics or any of our corporate sponsors, as a result of our obvious fascism and tyranny. To do so would be a form of economic terrorism, which your government will soon be compelled to prevent by force or half by our growing influence. Thank you. More on that story later as well. In the UK, Gordon Brown has not made this speech on national security. Listing the new threats facing the UK are common USA must face the challenges of new and emerging threats. They are freedom of speech of people simply voicing their opinions as well become increasingly dangerous. And our economic partners, especially in relation to the unelected dictators on Saudi Arabia, and China, or climate change, some people have not smelled all the bullshit about how it's their fault on the planets, but they may not pay the extra green taxes we've got lined up for the peasant fuckers I mean that shit consumers are our journalism. There's no telling how many more fake terror attacks Israel, America and others more foisted upon us in the coming years. I'm sure we should all be ready to suspend our powers of critical thinking. Anytime to cope with these eventualities, pestilence and plague. vast sums of money can be made for people even afraid of disease, or infected with it. For this reason, Britain should be ready to buy more bird flu, rabbit fever or boogeyman antidote in case large pharmaceutical companies need more of our money. And finally, economic terrorism. Today as the Bank of England pumps another 11 billion into our fake economy and shares in each boss slot on the back of rumors of open solvency. It's perhaps more important than ever, to stress that propping up our fake economy by printing more money when we need it is our number one priority when it is polluted. I plan to bring in legislation to house making it compulsory to shop and ensuring a supply of debt to the landless peasant Fox. This will ensure stability for the few wealthy banking families and we will do so with no trouble at all. Breaking news on the Bank of England story. This statement has just been imagined by the Governor of the Bank of England, peasants of Britain in these difficult times. I urge you on behalf of your made up money supply to shop for your lives spend for victory and die in debt. Thank you. Thanks and well the weather, increased military spending, economic uncertainty, religious extremism and moral ambiguity. Have a nice weekend.


Transcribed by https://otter.ai