Unknown Speaker  00:02
more planets needed to sustain unsustainable human way of life say morons. Only one American politician is a thieving, lying corrupt scumbag. Honestly, Uber UK assisted suicide of incurable Afghan wedding guests shown on TV. Oh people with jobs. Welcome to the fucking news. I'm Sal money boys. Here are the headlines tonight. Ecological credit crunch is underway for greedy human fuckers as their demand on the world's natural capital reaches a third more than Earth cancer stay sold says the latest Living Planet Report by the W W F. In addition, global natural wealth and diversity continues to decline and more countries are slipping into a state of permanent or seasonal water stress hover cook. The report produced with the Zoological Society of London and the Global Footprint Network shows three quarters of the world's people now living in nations that are ecologically debtors where consumption has outstripped their biological capacity to supply. Love that is, but who gives a fuck about that when Britain is making a comeback? Oh, yeah. And General Motors need some taxpayers money

Unknown Speaker  01:12
to keep their crap business open. Because you're a spokesperson for people who don't give a fuck at this to say on a recent trip to the shops.

Unknown Speaker  01:23
Yeah, I think it'll all work out. Even though by every measure science has ever produced our current way of life is unsustainable, destructive, exploitive, and serves absolutely no useful purpose. Other than to make people with money, more money, I remain a moron. I mean, optimistic that shopping will go on forever and my own personal comfort and consumption will remain the focus of a few large corporations. That rollover is all with whimsy and delight. In stark contrast to the totally uninformed opinions of morons at the shops. Experts say that without altering our behavior, the seas will become empty the fish well forests which absorb carbon dioxide emissions will be completely destroyed and freshwater supplies will become scarce and polluted. Either people curb their extravagant lifestyles or we will have to locate another planet that can sustain human life. Since this is unlikely to happen. The only option is to kill all morons now, and I mean, cuts consumption now. The WWF report shames the US for placing the greatest pressure on the environment. The average US resident consumes double that of a UK citizen have a coke and 24 times that of Africans love. Americans consumption footprint is 12.2 hectares per head of population compared to the UK 6.2 and in Ethiopia the figure is to falling to just half a hectare in Burundi. Let's be fair, the man that lives in Burundi as very modest means. The report warns that a wasteful lifestyle of the rich nations are responsible for the exploitation and depletion of natural wealth blah, blah spokesperson for WWF UK did not say it wouldn't be a good thing if our shadowy puppet masters engineered a war that killed vast numbers of humans in the near future. Really, it would. I'm sorry. That's just the way it is. Anyone who really cares about the planet, kill yourself now. That's right. All the tree hugging Doom mongers, you were right, the planet is doomed. But the good news is killing yourself will help a lot. So don't delay. The sooner the better. The sooner you're dead, the quicker the planet will recover. More on that story. Later, the Attorney General of Illinois has told Governor Rod Blagojevich to quit or she will take legal action against him. Mr. Blagojevich has been arrested for allegedly trying to sell the Senate seat of President Elect Barack Obama. Barack Obama did not say he is amazed and delighted to discover the only lying corrupt, sleazy money grubbing politician in America has been caught going on not to say it is truly remarkable. That in a country, so grossly imbalanced by the desire for material wealth and status, only one of our millions of public servants is on the tape. It's truly a testament to our way of life and the American dream, that bribery, embezzlement, graft, sleaze organized crime, duplicity, and self serving deceitful scum make up such a small part of our government. Federal investigators have charged Blagojevich with a number of offenses, including soliciting a bribe badly, failure to hide corruption and leaving evidence lying around all of America can now be assured that after a stroke politics has been cleaned up in their great country, I mean, country. God bless money. I mean, God have a code In the UK, shocking scenes of assisted suicide have been shown on the BBC. Many people have supported assisted suicide for the terminally ill and others with a forbidden Death Wish in hospitals in the UK. But maybe some forces in Afghanistan under the banner ISEF, or international suicide Assistance Force have released images of the bombing a large number of people to death in a mass assisted suicide at a wedding in Helmand Province. A non existent press release from NATO military commanders said the following the wedding guests were asking for it and made it abundantly clear that they wish to be blown limb from limb by 1000 pound bombs to end their lives. Now, many of the guests were suffering from incurable anti Americanism, a terminal disease known to afflict many people across the Middle East. After a lengthy consultation process and following due process, we assisted in the ending of the lives of these people who were suffering from incurable hatred of America and a smaller number with advanced anti Britishness It was painful and undignified. Many of these people were women and children. And if we can, we would very much like to continue with our work and assist anyone who's asking for it to end their life, wherever they may be. Thanks. And now we'll whether excessive consumerism is destroying the planet faster and faster, with many humans likely to die as a result. If that makes you a little suicidal NATO are more than willing to help. Have a nice weekend.


Transcribed by https://otter.ai