Hi, welcome to the fucking news. I'm dumbing ugly. Here are tonight's headlines in America President Bush's given the annual State of the Union address, he failed to mention a number of significant facts about America. America, the world's most dangerous fucking country, the world's most hated country, that country with the most debt in the world, that country with the biggest army in the world, that country currently killing more people than anyone else in the world. America, land of the not free, home of the not brave. Yeah, it's the state of the fucking union. Your country is in $44 trillion debt. It's getting $1.5 billion a day into more debt and of the free where you're free to have your government read your email, free to have your government look at your bank balance. Free to have your government listen to your telephone calls. Yes. It's the land of the free free to have the government check your bank balance. Look at your credit card receipts. Yeah, you're free. All right, free to be a fucking slave. Hey, my fellow Americans, I propose that we get deeply into debt to raise an enormous army with which to terrorize the planet. Yes, the state of the fucking union be my fellow Americans. I propose that your government spy on you. Tap your phones, read your bank statements, credit card seed receipts, my fellow Americans, I propose that after 10 years of bombing Iraq back to the Stone Age with the most technologically advanced army in the world. I propose you believe Iraq is a dangerous country capable of launching deadly attacks on America. How could you believe that shit? Your top admirals, your top Airmen, your top army generals standing in front of cameras after 10 years saying, Well, you know, even though we've been bombing this country relentlessly for 10 years unopposed, even though we've destroyed every military target of any significance whatsoever, we would now like you to believe they represent a threat to America, America, land of the free home of the brave. So what we'd really like now is for you to go even further into debt. And have your country even more hated around the world as we embark on parner war nobody wants except the oil barons who are going to benefit who's going into debt to secure Afghanistan for the oil pipeline in the north of the country. You and your children's children. Come on now sing along you know the words. President Bush needs another 10 billion to fight the war in Afghanistan. A country where they're dressed in rags fight with rocks and stones and share an ageing Kalashnikov between 10 people. What the fuck are they fighting these people with? I'm loading my gun with dollars. That goes a million dollars. Well, let's shoot him with money. What am I going to put in my mortar? It's $1,000 mortar barbed wire and the nut free, home of the nut brave? Free Free to be spied on. Free to be a debt slave to the corporation running your country. LAND OF THE FUCKING free. Don't make me laugh, or fellow Americans propose that we do even more damage to our country. Propose we get further into debt in debt in future generations of America to slavery to Saudi Arabia and China and the State of Israel? who hold the tickets for all of our debts? Yeah, I do. I ain't gonna be president much longer. My fellow Americans LAND OF THE FUCKING not free. I'm a bum not brave. In the UK controversy rages over the overcrowded prison situation. There are so few places available in the prisons of the United Kingdom. The judges have been asked by the Home Secretary John Reed only to send people to prison who represent a serious danger to the British public. This led to the release of one pedophile early and the non conviction of another on the grounds that there was nowhere to lock him up. Meanwhile, the Royal editor of the news of the World received a four month sentence for listening to the royal households phone conversations. Nevermind your children being dragged up the hours by dangerous pedophiles? What could be more dangerous than a newspaper listening to our royal conversation? Because at the end of the day, the privacy of the royal family must be protected at all costs, even at the cost of your children being bugged by beautiful piles. That's right. We need to build more prisons places so we can walk up even more people. We already walk up more about people than any other country in Europe. We bought up more of our children than any country in the world. Yeah. What do we need to we need to go back to the brain Look at our criminal justice policy. Do we really need to look up these people? Isn't there other some isn't there some other way of organizing our society so that there's less crime and more harmony and people feel more at ease and spread the equality and no let's build more prisons Let's lock up more fuckers aren't there they become criminal, even though they're assaulted by a million adverts for stuff they can't have but one, every opportunity radio adverts, television adverts, magazine adverts, new newspaper adverts habits, get it now have something you don't have pictures and images and signs of a lifestyle you will never have the fantastically wealthy but gorgeously good looking shoved into your eyeballs stimulating your brain and your senses constantly 24 hours a day. In the future. We'll have adverts dead into your dreams. I woke up I was dreaming about having something I can't have. Lock me up and say it's a sign of catastrophe. Let's lock up more people. More children. Nevermind social equality. No, let's have some fucking social inequality. Lock up all those poor fuckers who's guilty of what who should be in jail who should be in jail, the royal family for stealing our entire country 1000 years ago and subjecting us to 1000 years of aristocratic rule. Or some poor fucker on that council estate for shoplifting a bar of chocolate? Yeah, let's put that kid in jail after all. Oh, no. We can put the queen in jail. It's our fucking country. Thanks. And now the weather. The planets fucked. It's your fault and it's getting worse. Have a nice weekend.


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