Unknown Speaker  00:00
blah blah blah true debts in Iraq and all time low oil profits in America blah blah all time high attract suspect found dead blah blah blah in suspected suicide blah blah. In the UK, Centrica blah blah drunken brawl at price rise briefing blah blah blah. Hello landless peasant. Fucks Welcome to the fucking news. I'm full to the brim. Here are tonight's headlines. The US military announced blah blah blah death of a soldier in northern Iraq, blah, blah, blah brings the tone for July to 12, the lowest since blah, blah, blah invasion. God approves of us killing people and taking your oil, you send peasant scum now get back to work, blah, blah, blah. More than 4000 troops have been killed in Iraq, blah, blah, with the monthly toll occasionally exceeding 120 deaths. They were all volunteers so shut the fuck up liberal ass wipes. We'll sacrifice as many lives as we have to who rah, blah, blah, blah. Iraqi forces have been taking greater security responsibility recently. And you don't have to care what happens to those subhuman pawns. So cheer up. A breakdown of the July deaths show that only five of the troops died in hostile incidents. Three of them were described as having it coming to them. There was one fatal vehicle incident and one died of natural causes when his brain exploded after reading and thinking too much. The reduction in deaths comes in the wake of a US security clamp down a ceasefire by Shia Muslims and the popular movement among Sunni Muslims to eat ice cream, drink Coca Cola and worship Walt Disney. We spoke to a military spokesman who had this to say we like killing. That's what we do. If we can kill our way out of a problem that would be our preferred solution. Dying is not so good. But when our country asks us to die, we can die better than any other military power on earth. No Americans die with guts, messy pans, we die with rasam at times and headlines on the news. Other countries Armed Forces die in the mud with no stories on television. That would be unacceptable to Americans. When an American dies. There's pathos sentiment and pictures of a sunset and a little melancholy music in the background. dead Americans are the greatest debt people on earth or wherever it is that they are to die for America and the oil wealth of companies like Exxon is an honor. Exxon, I'm happy to say have just posted the biggest quarter of the profit of any American business in the history of fucking you a little bit for a buck. nearly $12 billion for three months trading. Who we yeah, let me tell you when Americans get fucked over for a buck, that's a big deal. And it's a big dick doing the fucking now many other populations of tax cows and poorly educated minions can boast we have the biggest debt the world has ever seen. But we still don't mind vastly rich corporations getting even richer off our backs. Watch me now as I bend over and demonstrate how willing and enthusiastic Americans are to be fucked over for a buck whilst paying for the privilege and boasting how good it feels. Oh, yeah, Exxon. Oh. Oh, yeah, Exxon ran it right up there. Hold You're a big boy. Yeah, yeah, take my wallet and my car keys take the wealth of my continent. And when I have nothing left, toss me over a wall and lead me to die in debt. America. The debt is country on earth. I mean, the greatest. They taught us scientist friend for I mean, suspected of anthrax attacks in 2001. As died from a government sponsored assassination. I mean, an apparent suicide, just as he was about to be charged and embarrass the lying terrorist government by being entirely innocent. The Los Angeles Times says government scientists Bruce Ivan's was found dead after an overdose of CIA agents, I mean, painkillers. Five people died when anthrax was posted to media organizations and politicians in the US shortly after blah, blah, blah 911 2001. Mr. Ivan 62 had worked at the government level Defense Research for bar trees in Fort Detrick, Maryland for 18 years, and has helped the FBI investigate anthrax tainted envelopes as a microbiologist for the laboratory. The US Justice Department that has not commented on the newspaper or admitted to killing him to cover up a cabal of evil criminals in charge of the American government. In June 2008, the US Justice Department agreed a multimillion dollar settlement with another scientists who had not said was a person of interest, who would might be able to frame for it if we could find more dirt on them. More on that story later, in the UK British Gas owner Centrica has issued an apology after its 35% price rise, turned out to be greedy and extortionate. Centrica employees were entertained a recent briefing on the price rice. On each table was a bucket filled with Budweiser lager red and white wine. There was also a free bar. The night started with a champagne reception followed by a four course meal and a rowdy punch up with some vomiting into buckets to finish it off. The 35% hike was central the second price rise this year. British Gas managing director Phil Bentley did not say we're deeply disappointed with the reporting of our staff drunken behavior, our greed and the exploitation of our customers. We sincerely apologize for the truth being reported. Centreville said that had been absolutely necessary to raise household gas prices as far as CAP operating profits fell to only 992 million times. Obviously only making a couple of billion claims a year from the people who have no choice but to buy gas and electricity is nowhere near enough and therefore we're going to screw even more out of them next year. We'll have to put up prices some more. Now fuck off and pay your bills you miserable peasant slaves

Unknown Speaker  06:07
it's just not enough banks and now the weather blah blah blah economic indicators money for us slavery for you. dead Americans ultimate sacrifice, slaughter babies money and killing other nice we can


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