Hi, I'm mad as a hatter. Welcome to the fucking news. Here are the headlines tonight. It's not too late. I'd like to wish you all a Happy Fucking New Year. Yeah. Happy Fucking New Year to sit down visade who's dead now? murdered in public by the civilized world happy new year. So that was saying You're dead now. You won't have to listen to all that cash about America bringing peace and freedom to the world. Yeah, peace and fucking freedom. Yeah. The peace to do business, the freedom to make a profit. That's the kind of peace and freedom we'll be getting. Yeah. So Happy Fucking New Year to the American army. More of you will be going to Iraq. But that's okay. Because I hear so far in an entire three years of war. 3000 American troops have died in Iraq. If I was in America, I'd be joining the army to go to Iraq because it's safer than staying at home. Yeah. How many people were murdered in your country last year? 20,000 30,000. Your country's more dangerous than Afghanistan. Happy Fucking New Year. Yeah, that's right. Iraq and Afghanistan safer than America. Happy New Year to the people of Iraq and Afghanistan who can look forward to another year of chaos and mayhem. Courtesy of the international conspiracy. No electricity, no sewage, no education. No infrastructure. No peace. No security, no safety. Happy Fucking New Year from the international conspiracy. It's our gift to you. More chaos, more murder more may have more debt more destruction. Happy back in New Year. And while we're at it, Happy New Year to the people of Somalia. Who since John Bolton's last act at the UN is America's ambassador was relieving the arms embargo. The people of Somalia are now free to buy guns and kill people have been you hear people of Somalia? And there's even better news because America is coming to help you. I bet you can't fucking wait. Look how much help the Americans gave the people of Iraq and the people of Afghanistan. Whoa, you could look forward to a really groovy New Year The Americans help American troops are on their way to help you that can only mean one thing you're gonna fucking die. Happy Fucking New Year The people of Somalia America your new friend is on its way to help you I bet you can't wait. Happy New Year to the people on earth. Who can look forward to another year of the make shit eat shit economy, we will dig up shit from the ground. We will eat the shit and shit the shit out other people with less status than us will come along and eat the shit we ship out to make even more shit per ship for people who've got even less status than the people who are eating the shit we should act happy fucking new year people are in your makeshift eat shit economy in order not to upset everybody we will be distributing sunglasses that make the shift look like ice cream Happy New Year people love Earth another year of global fucking economic tyranny will you'll be persuaded that the glory of your existence must be spent making money for the few people who've got it all anyway. Oh great departments to our economy other than making rich people rich make that shit. Eat that shit gobble is right up now. Happy Fucking you Yeah, yeah, I'm fine with that. I'd like to wish planet Arthur Happy New Year. Planet Earth who is in the middle of the greatest extinction since the dinosaurs Happy New Year planet another year a few months fucking you up righteously simply to make our buck for some countries already got the fucking bucks. Yeah, happy New Year planner. Currently 50 species a day are going extinct. We can only look forward to that increasing as the economy improves. That's right. 50 Fucking species every single day. Happy New Year. That surely won't be long. Until the only thing living on this planet is a big fucking fat rich person who's sitting out shit that all the poor people eat to shit out shit for the other people with less status than the poorer people to eat. That's all we're gonna be left with on planet Earth. fat fucking rich person shitting out shit for us to eat. Happy Fucking New Year. And now the weather, the planets fucked. It's your fault and and it's getting worse Have a nice weekend


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