Aliens arrive on Earth and leave immediately because we're so fucked up. Tropical Storm Ernesto heads for America King Canute ready on the shore. In the UK Tony Blair returns from holiday ready to do some more nothing. news around the world from vy, Di. I'm grasping at straws. Here are tonight's headlines. History was made today as life from another planet touched down on Earth. Without doubt the most momentous event ever took place in Egypt above the Great Pyramid at Cairo. The alien craft hovered over Cairo transmitting a message of peace and the story of how they came here. The aliens homed in on a signal from 12,000 years ago produced by the discord Ian's the discordance, illuminated by the study of science and psychedelic drugs, predicted the existence of extraterrestrials, and created the Great Pyramid to signal humanity's existence and readiness to join the cosmic community. The pyramid it's not a tomb it seems but a hydrogen maser powered by the Earth's sympathetic resonant frequency. After explaining this et made the following announcement. You people are crazy. We can't believe how mental and wrapped up in seeing you all are. You are destroying our planet and killing each other so that if you rich people can have more power. You have 200 countries, a dozen major insane religious organizations, 6.5 billion people and no idea how to look after a planet. You're killing each other and loads of other life on the planet. Even though your own religious beliefs say it's wrong. Everything is beautiful, and God made it all. We only hope it's a long time before you can travel in space because you are a dangerous animal. Evil aggressive, destructive, stupid salvage dangerous fuckers. We hope you never get off this planet. And if you do, we may have to put you down like the mad dog you are our soul watch it Alright, with that the aliens left never to return. In America, a tropical storm Ernesto has brewed up in the Caribbean and is headed for Jamaica arnesto could develop into a hurricane in the coming days as it moves towards the Gulf of Mexico. So our New Orleans defense is ready for another hurricane. We asked the President Mr. Bush and he didn't say this. We are ratified? Yes we are. We are ready to evacuate. We have 150 buses, 50 trains and 70 planes standing by to evacuate. You see, the United States governments and the Army Corps of Engineers been working on the problem of how to stop the seas advance all year. And to tell you the truth that can't be done. Your liens is doomed and so is every other coastal town and city fucked and there's nothing we can do about it. So let's get realistic and not waste any money trying Thank you. In New Orleans however, they have employed a famous sea stopper King Canute to stand on the levee and give it one more try more on that story leader. In the UK, Tony Blair has returned to work after his holidays to defend his legacy as leader of Britain's biggest Socialist Party. He didn't say this in answer to his critics calling him to step down. I had a wealthy privileged upbringing by infiltrated the Labour Party became leader and swept to power. Once in power I kept the Queen kept the House of Lords kept the anti union laws passed by Thatcher kept business in control of the country's power, water communications and transport kept nuclear weapons and nuclear power took us to war against the wishes of the people created more terror knock less and kiss the American and Israeli money oil ass whenever they said it needed kissing. Plus, I fucked up our education system so bad. I'm sending my own son to Yale in America, and you watched me do it all right in front of your eyes

now, the weather, the planet is fucked. It's getting worse, and it's your responsibility. Have a nice weekend.


Transcribed by https://otter.ai