Unknown Speaker  00:02
Chinese assembly meets to rubber stamp tyranny and smile for the cameras Pakistan terror attack good for tourism and international interventionism. In the UK bank of England slashes interest rates, prints money and says prayers. Hello internet users. Welcome to the funny news. I'm bumping my guns. Here are the headlines tonight. Then China the National People's Congress has been meeting for the annual two weeks of rubber stamping the Communist Party's totalitarian rule. Two weeks of government. Wouldn't that be great and cheap to our leaders are obviously taking the piss, you can plainly run the world's biggest economies with only two weeks talking shit. Anyway. The Faceless mass of party supporters headed by Premier Wynne, who went who's the President set targets for economic growth on X 580 billion US dollars of investment and made other announcements about trade with the West. Did I miss a meeting when we decided to help the fascist scum that run China? Haven't we fought a number of wars to overthrow and oppose dictatorship? Aren't these fuckers a bunch of murdering and tolerant control freaks whose exploitation of its population we are aiding and abetting. We didn't put these questions to premier when who know when didn't say or who and didn't say the following harrow poverty stricken western world your immature desire for pointless material goods imported from China striving our global economic recovery and as wrong as we are making money. I say fuck rock people of China. I rough money and power much more run freedom or clean air. Yeah, fuck freedom. None of you believe that rubbish. Anyway, if you did, you wouldn't buy our ridiculously cheap goods made by economic slaves in our vast factories. If you believed in freedom, you would boycott everything made in the People's Republic of China and pay slightly more for something made by the free people in countries with labor laws or environmental protection agencies are instead you will want to sell China a cook and some trainers and a cheeseburger and you'll want to buy laptops and flat screen TVs and other rubbish at the lowest possible price. I can hardly wait until the people of China have caught up with your marvelous advanced civilization in the west where you live and die in debt consuming shit. You don't need to make money for people who have it all. Anyway, half. Thank you. Thank you very much for your continued support for artillery and fascism and oppression of basic human rights. Ah, Prime Minister when from the National People's Congress in China, in a totally unrelated story and attack on the Sri Lankan cricket team in Pakistan has killed six policemen and the civilian. The British coach of the team was very angry about the level of security his team received not saying we were promised the highest level of protection and security before agreeing to this tour. And look what it got us only six dead policemen laying down their lives to protect us. I hope the families of surviving Pakistani police units at the scene are disgusted by their failure to die protecting a bunch of pampered sportsmen bankers and cricketers the ambush took place as the Sri Lankans were on their way to a test match. Some accounts suggest the attack was sophisticated Punjab Governor Salmaan Taseer claims. These attacks were fully trained people the way they were running and the kind of weapons they had. They are the same type of people who launched the attacks in Mumbai. They were no ordinary terrorists, the way they were running a no ordinary terrorists a leaving aside questions of what an ordinary terrorist is if they were so good, how come none of the cricketers are dead? Strikes me if their mission was to kill cricketers, they were a bunch of incompetence who failed completely Pakistanis Minister Sadat, Nabil Achmed, gobble reportedly told GOTV that's evidence suggested the attackers came across the border from India. He said you silk came in the reaction to the Mumbai attacks, and was a declaration of open war on Pakistan by India, whereupon he reached toward the button marked escalate to nuclear war. Only joking that happens later. As American media paints Pakistan is an unstable country full of Muslim extremists armed with weapons of mass destruction, destruction, it seems one good thing to come out of the attacks is the expected rise in tourism, with large numbers of American army personnel expected to arrive in Pakistan anytime soon. In the UK, the Bank of England has cut interest rates 2.5% and says it will boost the money supply to help revive the economy. This policy so far untried in the UK is called quantitative easing. Pour, stretching the imagination or desperate measures or grasping at straws. quantitive easing is sometimes incorrectly referred to as printing money, but the bank will not expand the supply of money exactly, not by making new banknotes. Instead, it will buy assets such as government securities, guilts, and corporate bonds, using completely imaginary money without having to print any at all saving themselves. Even the cost of a bank, governor of the Bank of England said nothing in life is ever certain. But these measures we think will work in the long term going on not to say we just make this up as we go along. We are actually a private company that owns your money. We make a profit by charging interest on your money. It's really rather good. Actually, not many people understand it, but if they did, they would probably use an asset backed currency. But don't quote me on that. I don't know much depends if countries work together I believe eventually it will work. This is the man in charge of our money supply. Maybe if someday it depends, could we please get someone who's certain off something in charge of our fucking economy? How about I run the Bank of England for a while? I'm certain I'm sure I definitely know that paper money is worth nothing, not a yen day if aliens arrive on Earth and want to trade with our country. You know, they'll want metal good old fashioned cosmically valuable metal that and maybe some fresh fruit and pictures of Earth woman. Oh, yeah, et will laugh in our face and split their sides laughing when they discover we accept wood pulp as currency. And these crazily earthlings don't understand basic economics and we should take over their world no problem. Wait while I make some wood pulp. Thanks. And now the weather complacency and complicity more or less everywhere in the western world with tyranny and oppression settling over the East likelihood of mushroom clouds in Pakistan but US intervention also likely in the UK economic maybe if might and could happen all seem quite likely. Have a nice weekend.


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