Welcome to the fucking news. I'm morally bankrupt. Here are the headlines tonight, astronomers have found the most earth like planets outside our solar system today. It's a brave new world which could have water on its surface. Super Earth, as it's called, is in what scientists call the Goldilocks zone, where temperatures are just right for life to have a chance to exist. Is there life anywhere else? It's a fundamental question we go ask said NASA scientists going on not to say, will we be able to kill it? Will we be able to conquer that planet, strip it of its natural resources and keep our rich Nazi masters fat and fucking happy? I hope so. Some scientists have theorized that any white Bible on the planet could be very different to life on Earth. They may not have allowed giant corporations to reap the natural world, they may not have succumbed to tyranny and exploitation, they may not be a massive mind controlled consumer zombies bent on their own destruction and killing as many other species as possible. Imagine that, yes, they may be very different from us. They may be green bug eyed monsters with wacky ideas like the whole planet as a share of resource all life is sacred and sentient beings are responsible for its care. Maybe they haven't decided socialism is a dirty word and how to replace it with participatory economics. So intellectuals can talk shaked about sharing things without being called a commie pinko fag. Yes, they may be nice. They may be saying they may be better than us Quick Man. The space tanks armed the laser is there's a whole galaxy of competing aliens out there and it's our job to kill them before they kill us think slobber slobber? Yes Space the final frontier where chaos and the laws of nature will soon be replaced by fascism. I mean freedom and the New World galactic order then a totally unrelated story world economic and political leaders failed to announce today plans to build a giant golden station for the purpose of exploring our galaxy, the universe and beyond. Going on not to say go back to your pointless jobs earning worthless credit to spend on useless shit you landless peasant Fox, we're in charge and we'll carry on treating you like the herd of dumb fucking animals you are. We don't want them to be higher consciousness to life on Earth. We don't care if there's life on another planet unless there's money in it. Some people complain that the pointlessness of our consumer society, the spiritual poverty of material wealth and the tragedy of mass extinction and deforestation. Well, tough shit. You're all staying right here and paying your protection money. Now I mean taxes. If we do build a spaceship, we're loading it up with Space Marines, drug dealers, guns, bombs and rich people, because we're humans, and that's how we do business. Who, in a span ya know, one is celebrating the 70th anniversary of Guernica. On the 26th of April 1937, the Condor region of the German Luftwaffe flew over the Spanish town of Guernica and for three hours rained bombs on the town. 1/3 of the 5000 people in Guernica were killed or wounded, and moved the castle was so hard to find he painted his picture Guernica. No other work of art has eclipsed it as a symbol of the Death of Innocence in war. I pay to see politicians stand in front of giant pictures of dismembered children while they call for war. My fellow murdering scum I propose we kill many other people in defense of our own wonderful way of life. I propose babies children women innocence of all kinds we rent to blown to pieces bodies gutted love and life spent and spilled just like these dead children right here goes women now. The statistics of civilian carnage tell the story of the evolution of war in the First World War civilians accounted for 50% of deaths. By the end of the Second World War, civilian deaths claim to 65% and by the 90s It was 75%. At this time in the war in Iraq, 90% of those killed have been civilians. So remember, there's never been a better time to join the fucking army. Hey, there is no safer place unless of course, you're a Prince Harry, who's not a bastard child of one of Princess Diana shag sessions with the British army. Prince bastard. I mean, Harry is now a second lieutenant in a regiment headed for Iraq. The Ministry of Defense in the UK is reviewing Harry's deployment after 11 UK troops were killed this month. One of the bloodiest since the conflict began for debt British people that is there have been suggestions with insurgents who target hairy and endanger troops who served with him. Harry's friends have said various friends have said he wants to serve in Iraq. But if insurgents are going to cheat and actually shoot at him and his men He understands the decision by the Ministry of Defense to give him a safe cushy office job in a big bunker deep under a deep underground royal family of let it be known that Harry is following a family tradition of getting young people to fight and die on our behalf. The Queen didn't say

you peasant nobody's that sexual only fit to sniff my fuzzy juice and said behind offspring are the chosen ones. And it's your job to die in your millions for the occasional wolf the gas for my family. Thank you carry on.

Now the weather, the planets, but But there may be more so who cares whose fault it is. Anyway, let's have our fucking party. Hey. Oh, all right. Have a nice weekend.


Transcribed by https://otter.ai